Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
