Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
babies were throwing up all over the place
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
