4 words: hood of his car
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
