Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
