i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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