I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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