Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
