remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
