What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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