im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
