'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
