Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
