Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
