He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
