Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
