If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
