im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
