why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
