I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
