He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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