I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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