the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love having hate sex.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
