I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
