Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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