I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
