...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
