Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
