it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
