you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
