so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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