come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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