I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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