alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
