You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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