So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
