Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
