i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
