yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
