everyone is single if you try hard enough
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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