Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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