It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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