drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
