i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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