i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
