How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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