ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
