Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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