Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
