you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
