I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
