I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
