you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
