I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
