Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
