in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As shirtless as possible
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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