Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
