At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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