I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
