My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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