I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
