He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All the doctor said was why
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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