A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
