4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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