we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize