I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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