3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize