he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
