watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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