Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
