You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
