Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
