Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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